Men tend to seek counseling less often than women for seemingly a number of reasons. A main reason is the vulnerability it takes to come into therapy and share what we are struggling with is typically the opposite of what men are told is allowed to show growing up. Boys will often be told to ‘man up’ when upset or showing signs of vulnerability or emotions. A number of reports have shown, “men do not seek counseling for emotional disturbances, which is a common presenting issue for women. Men are more likely to present to counseling with a solution-focused agenda, whereas women are more inclined toward emotional exploration” (Holloway et al., 2018; Liddon et al., 2018; Tamres et al., 2002).
When seeing mostly male client’s so far in this career, they are typically focused on one specific area that brought them in, and it eventually turns into many different areas of their life in which they were not expecting to talk about. Additionally, when it comes to naming emotions and emotional vocabulary, men have had a much harder time expressing how they feel. Many of them apologizing or saying they have not told anyone outside of therapy what they’ve brought into therapy. The contrast between the emotional vulnerability within male vs female clients is one that should be noted when working with male clients.
Men will also not seek therapy until many of them feel it is their last option. They are not as likely to seek therapy for day-to-day stressors or issues, but typically seek help when they feel they are out of options. Shining a light on how brave it is to seek out help may serve to help the stigma of feeling weak seeking out help. As clinicians, we should keep in the back of our mind that although not always the case, a man may have been dealing with their presenting problem or emotions for some time before taking that first step to come into therapy.